While the Surgeon General has chosen to focus on the “medical evidence,” let’s examine alcohol’s well-documented benefits:

Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills:

Thanks to alcohol, countless individuals have discovered they can absolutely climb up to their balcony when locked out of their apartment. The success rate is a remarkable 2%, but that’s 2% higher than their sober attempts.

Advanced Physics Mastery:

Only after several drinks do people truly understand gravitational forces, specifically through hands-on experiments like “Why Is The Room Spinning?” and “The Floor Is Much Closer Than Previously Calculated.”

Improved Social Skills:

Alcohol transforms ordinary people into charismatic orators who can eloquently express deep thoughts like “I love you, man” to complete strangers and engage in sophisticated debates about why dogs should be allowed to vote.

Spiritual Growth:

No other substance has inspired more heartfelt prayers, usually beginning with “Oh God” and ending with “I swear I’ll never drink again.” The sincerity peaks around 3 AM while hugging the porcelain altar.

Athletic Enhancement:

After a few drinks, everyone becomes a professional athlete. The laws of physics simply don’t apply to your golf swing anymore.

Investment Skills:

Nothing boosts financial confidence quite like alcohol. Suddenly, buying cryptocurrency at 2 AM seems like a brilliant retirement strategy, and everyone becomes a qualified financial advisor: “You HAVE to get in on this, bro!”

Enhanced Musical Talent:

Alcohol transforms anyone into opera virtuosos. Karaoke studies show that after four drinks, everyone can perfectly hit the high notes in “Don’t Stop Believin'”. The audience’s tears are clearly from being moved, not pain.

Time Management Skills:

Only the well-lubricated mind truly understands that 2 AM is the perfect time to start a home renovation project, text all your exes, or learn to juggle. These activities simply cannot wait until morning.

Memory Optimization:

Alcohol helpfully erases unnecessary memories, like that time you tried to fight a police officer in the parking lot outside the station.

Culinary Expertise:

Late-night chefs know that alcohol unleashes unprecedented creativity in the kitchen. Suddenly, pickles dipped in peanut butter wrapped in a pizza isn’t just edible – it’s a flavor revolution that the world isn’t ready for.

Professional Development:

Nothing builds workplace camaraderie quite like the office holiday party, where you can finally tell your boss what you really think about their management style. The next day’s awkward silence is just everyone processing your brilliant insights.

Advanced Mathematics:

Alcohol makes you exceptionally good at calculating tips – as evidenced by that time you left a 200% tip because “I think she likes me, you know?” It’s not poor math skills; it’s generosity unlocked by liquid courage.

I think you hear me knocking, and I think I’m coming in. OPEN UP!!! I’M DRUNK AND I LOST MY KEYS!!”

If you have time to kill, I highly recommend listening to the following PodCast (see link below). It’s an interview with the former Chief Business Officer of Google X, Mo Gawdat. The discussion mainly revolves around the topic of AI (duh) but also dives into the subject of happiness. By the end of the podcast, I was in tears.

The true human values are Love, Happiness, and Compassion. If we show enough of that online, maybe we can influence the views of AI so that it shows more of that and expect us to want more of that.

Mo Gawdat

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-prof-g-show-with-scott-galloway/id1498802610?i=1000620994812

To whom it may concern:

This week I received an invite from Google Labs for Workspace’s new AI features. I told you that story to tell you this one.

I am reminded of the famous statistician George Box who once wrote:

“It is inappropriate to be concerned about mice when there are tigers abroad.”

George Box

IMHO, Google needs to be all-in on AI Search and not worry about adding AI features to Docs, Sheets, Slides, etc. Or, more accurately, worry about AI Google Docs later. Advertising generated ~$55B last quarter, and Workspace isn’t even its own line item. In total, Google Cloud generated ~$7.5B in revenue.

Focus on the tigers in the room.

Apparently Samsung is considering replacing Google as its default search engine with…wait for it…BING. That’s according to an article published by NYT (16 April). Google learned this news last month. I’ve put the link below.

“Google’s reaction to the Samsung threat was “panic,” according to internal messages reviewed by The New York Times.”

It’s almost impossible to imagine Samsung making a switch. After all, Samsung phones run on Android. Also, let’s not rule out the possibility that it’s a bluff. An attempt to negotiate a better deal with Google. But when a threat moves from the absurd to the possible, in the blink of an eye, “panic” is the appropriate response.

Two months ago I predicted that Apple iOS Safari would eventually change its default engine from Google to Bing – unless Google adopted a war-like effort to respond to the emerging threat. It cannot be overstated, a switch in default search engines on either Android or iOS would be cataclysmic for Google’s revenue.

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella is coming, and hell’s coming with him.

P.S. My offer to join Google’s board of directors still stands. I know things, I’m a lot of fun at parties, and I’m great at bar trivia. 🙃

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/16/technology/google-search-engine-ai.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

Some fun with you know what:

Dear Board of Directors,

I am writing to you as an activist investor and a shareholder of Disney, urging the company to produce another Ewoks movie.

The Star Wars franchise is one of the most iconic and valuable brands in entertainment history. Since Disney’s acquisition of the franchise in 2012, the company has successfully revitalized and expanded the Star Wars universe through various media, including movies, TV shows, and merchandise. However, there is still untapped potential in the Star Wars franchise, and I believe that an Ewoks movie could be the next step in furthering the growth and success of the franchise.

The Ewoks have always been a beloved and iconic part of the Star Wars universe, and the time is ripe for them to make a comeback. The nostalgia factor alone could draw in an enormous audience of Star Wars fans who have been waiting for this moment for years.

Moreover, there is significant market potential for an Ewoks movie. With Disney’s vast resources, the company could create a high-quality film that appeals to both longtime fans and a new generation of viewers. Furthermore, the Ewoks are perfect for merchandising opportunities, which could further increase the profitability of this venture.

As an activist investor, I urge the board of Disney to take action and greenlight an Ewoks movie. This would be a smart business move that could generate significant returns for our company and its shareholders.

In conclusion, I respectfully request that you consider my proposal to create another Ewoks movie as part of Disney’s ongoing efforts to expand and diversify the Star Wars franchise. This would not only be a wise financial decision but also a meaningful opportunity to further connect with the Star Wars community and create new memories for generations to come.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Chat-GPT 3.5

They say there are only two ways to grow an economy: adding more people or adding more productivity. I told you that story, to tell you this one.

Your CEO emails you at 1 am for a new feature they want to be added to the product. Except, it’s not just an email; it’s a prompt that feeds “Ziggy,” which automatically generates a Vision document (based on a pre-defined template). In the morning, you flesh out the Vision doc with details about the business opportunity, scope, user stories, and a brief description and sketch of the solution concept. Except, it’s no longer just a vision document; it’s a prompt that “Ziggy” turns into a Functional Requirements Document along with supporting documents for Operational Requirements, Customer Support Requirements, Security Requirements, and Test Cases. At that exact moment, relevant stakeholders are notified via Slack that their input is required. Once approved, these documents prompt “Ziggy” to generate JIRA epics, stories, and tasks. In the background, Ziggy automatically creates branches in GitHub and generates “code scaffolding” for the solution. In parallel, “Ziggy” creates Figma files and generates the feature’s new UI wireframes. All relevant stakeholders are automatically notified and assigned tasks to provide story point estimates and refine the descriptions for their design and development items in JIRA. Except, they’re not just JIRA items anymore; they’re prompts. Once Sprint planning is complete, Ziggy generates training/enablement and marketing materials, including marketing copy, screenshots, and videos of computer-generated actors smiling and enjoying the new feature. Relevant stakeholders are notified. Ziggy is also updating the CRM to update the quote to cash workflow and send outbound emails to existing and potential customers who might beta-test the new feature. As UI designs are refined and code pull requests committed, Ziggy continuously tests the product in the dev environment and performs multi-variate A/B tests to optimize the interface and outbound marketing strategy. Based on the burndown chart and velocity, Ziggy anticipates a release date of four weeks from today and will start sending out product announcements on social media. Finally, generated legal product descriptions and contracts are sent to the legal team for review. According to Ziggy, there is a 96.7% chance the new feature will be a success and result incremental ARR and higher NPS scores. You’re probably wondering who Ziggy is? Ziggy is the name of the AI I built to run my Quantum Leap experiments. No…wait, I’m thinking of someone else. Ignore everything I just said.